zero2sixtyin9

I did it, I did it, I did it!!!

I waited to weigh myself from last Thursday due to personal reasons…  So tonight (yes nighttime, when normally I am a few pounds heavier!!) I decided to take a peak and weigh myself… I was extremely nervous because for the past few days my hunger has suddenly spiked, to the point of having hunger pangs.  I have never had this happen before.  Duane did and in the end, he lost a bunch of weight.  I have been eating a bit more than normal lately, but all within reason and only a few points above what I would normally eat.

However, when I stepped on the scale I found that I must have been starving for a reason…this body has been losing more weight!  And finally, FINALLY, I am NO LONGER OBESE!  May not mean a lot to some of you, but I know there are others out there who get this.  Even though according to the BMI I am still *overweight*, I will take it!  I look good, I feel good…everything is good!  Yea!! : )

Just wanted to share the good news!  Gonna run, wanna watch the finale of Big Brother on DVR.  Hope everyone else is having a great week! : )

So I have to make this a quick post…I am supposed to go look at houses in a little bit.

I recently went home for a visit and I think I did pretty good. Everyone fed me non-stop and I did my best to balance everything out. For 6 days of what I would consider “bad” eating, I gained 1.5 pounds. And am now thinner than when I left. Love it! And love the fact that I got to eat (well, more like sample since I can’t really eat big amounts like I used to) all of the foods I love dearly in the great state of O-H-I-O that you just can’t find here in NC.

While I was home, I stopped at my oh-so-favorite Steve and Barry’s to stock up on clothes. Which sucked. Why, you may ask? Size 14 (yes 14!!!) was wayyyyyyyyyyy too big, but darn it, size 12 was too tight! I think the best thing I took away from the whole thing was, “Holy crap, I am in a size 14 and they are baggy!!” Maybe not exciting to some people, but coming from a girl who was wearing size 18 jeans that were getting too tight…I am very happy : )

Still feeling great and loving the fact that I am at a very manageable weight. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to lose about 20 more pounds, but I am looking and feeling pretty darn good at my current weight. And with all of the traveling, working, and visitors I have had at my house in the last few weeks, I have not been as strict on my points and have still been losing weight…yea : ) I am looking forward to an empty house so I can get back on track and lose quicker! : )~

So I am sure you are sick of my rambling and wondering what in the world my headline is about? When I went home, my dad needed to go to the hospital to get stitches out of his fingers (long, weird story…he had an accident with a saw…) Anyway, he said we had someone else to stop and see while we were there and started crying. In my 27 years on this earth, my father has cried twice. Twice. And I remember each time vividly. He looked at me and said (remember, I am an only child), “We have to stop and see your brother. He’s dying.”

Yeah. That was my reaction too.

(Robbie <my brother>, my dad, and me at the hospital on the day we met.)

Turns out I have a brother who is sick with a rare lung disease. He is married (to a wonderful girl) with 3 beautiful daughters, who eerily enough, look just like me. I think everything turned out for the best. I mean, who wouldn’t be blessed to add 5 people to their family? And throughout the entire stressful time, I didn’t over-eat once. Well, I did drink. Maybe a little more than normal, lol. But nothing horrible that wouldn’t be expected. I am very proud of myself. And thanks to my friend Meigan (who is on here) for supporting me through this. And can I just add how awesome she is doing…girlfriend looks great! (Below is a picture of us at the bar when I was home…)

Seriously, if they ever made a movie of my life, I don’t think people would ever believe it. One thing you can always say is that my life never has a dull moment, lol.

Anyway, house hunting awaits! Have a good week! : )

So I haven’t written in awhile.  Well, in a long time.  That doesn’t mean I have been discouraged or giving up.  It was just that life was busy, some stuff went down at home, and my weight wasn’t budging an inch.  Totally frustrating and stressful.  But, I took a different approach than I ever would have, and I found myself…surprised.

First let’s start with work.  I know that work is always going to be stressful (it comes with the territory).  I know there won’t always be people I like or get along with.  However, when I started my new job, I was astonished.  The environment is great.  Even on a stressful day, the people there are supportive and it turns out to be a great day.  I have never loved a job the way I love this one.  In fact, it is a huge reason I stay here and am ok with staying here (as opposed to going home).  However, I finally met my match.  There is this one person, who I will not describe at all, who makes my life HELL.  Well, not just me.  A lot of us.  You can never do right.  You always know the shift will be stressful when they are there.  And dealing with all of the crap in the past few weeks that this person has put me (us) through, has really sucked.  But, in a moment of clarity (after being treated like an idiot), I came to a realization.  This person treats me like someone I know (again, no names being mentioned here on the internet.  But if you know me in real life, you may already get this.  Or call me and we’ll chat).  This person is similar to someone in my life who is also condescending, yells a lot, and over the years I have learned to deal with.  And suddenly, amidst all the havoc, I had a moment of clarity and dealt with this person in the same pathetic, fragile way I have to deal with the other person.  And they finally backed off.  At least for now.  But knowing what I have now come to realize has helped me not really give a crap what this person says, does, or thinks.  And justing saying “uh-huh” in a sickeningly sweet tone while walking away quickly (without arguing or so much as responding, which at times is tough because you get sick of being accused/questioned) and leaving them there dumbfounded yet satisfied to wonder what just happened  has been more justifying and satisfying than I could have ever imagined.

So on to the home news.  My mom called.  My dad, being my dad, took the safety off his saw (which is there for a reason kids), and yep, cut half his hand off.  While I did not panic (since I have dealt with this a couple of times as a nurse), knowing he would be fine, I felt horrible that I couldn’t be there.  That’s the tough part of living so far away.  I am getting better with it, but…  Anyway, they were able to clean up most of his fingers pretty good and save the one that was fully amputated, so we’ll see if it actually heals ok and if he can end up keeping it.  And I’m glad my mom’s ok.  I hate when she’s upset and stressed.  I’m going home in 2 weeks to visit to visit family and friends, which I try to do at least once a year, so that should help.

Last, is my weight loss.  Or lack thereof.  I hit a wall at 184-185 and could not budge.  I stayed right on my point range, worked out (well, as much as I could), and still…nothing.  And then, in yet another moment of clarity (and maybe the most responsible, adult thing I could have thought to do), I took myself down another point from 24-23.  Doesn’t sound like a lot, but other WW’s out there will understand.  A point makes a huge difference.  And it just so happens that on the night I decided to this, I was in a particularly starving mood, and everyone at work decided to bring in some delicious, mouth watering food to share.  I thought I was gonna die.  Literally.  But, I prayed for strength, got through the night, and had lost a pound by the morning.  And again and again.  And now I am down to 180 : )  So, the hard work, dedication, and sacrifice definitely paid off.  My goal was to be in the 170’s by the time I go home.  And I just might make it : )

That’s all for now.  I’m on call, so I’ve gotta go get ready *just in case*.  Have a Happy Easter and a great week!

Today I made an important decision and faced a fear. It was a decision to be proud of myself no matter what and hold my head up high. Some of you may think what I did isn’t such a big deal, but after 27 years of lying, denying, and overall avoiding my weight, I have decided to make a change and accept me for me. Within the last few weeks I have, for the first time in almost 7 years of knowing him, admitted and talked about my weight with my husband. And now today, I take a major step and make it public for any and all to view. This was terrifying and embarrassing before (even when I weighed a lot less!), but after going through so much change in the past few years, I want to continue to improve myself…to stretch my boundaries and grow as person. So here it is America, the actual truth, the actual me. All 188 pounds.

Last week I finally had to give up my hardheadedness and bought some new jeans. And they were 4 sizes smaller!!! And I also needed some scrub bottoms which I was very excited to move from a large to a medium! May not sound like a lot, but boy it felt good! : ) I felt a familiar pang of sadness at the scrub store though…there was a woman there trying on scrubs who was overweight. She was in the dressing room and her friend kept yelling, “Did you find anything yet?” “No”, a small, disappointed voice kept replying from the fitting room as I waited patiently in line. My heart sank as she opened the door with about 40 items on hangers angrily stating, “Nothing fits!” and stomping out in a huff. That was me. That was so me. I remember that disgusting, disappointing, depressing feeling of picking anything and everything to try on, only to feel gross and walk out disappointed and depressed because nothing fit. I felt so bad. I know you shouldn’t feel bad for people, but in my heart, I felt so so bad for her. Because she was me less than 3 months ago. And here I was, taking in 1 shirt and 2 pairs of pants: large and medium. The large were too big, so I got the medium. Never, since being super thin in college, has shopping went that easy. I can only hope it continues. And I can only hope that the woman I saw either becomes comfortable with herself or has an amazing person in her life (like I have my husband) to help set her on a path of being healthy and once again liking herself.

So, on another note, I was one of the unlucky ones that was stricken by ‘the bug’ this past week. I spent the last 5 days in bed and am feeling weary as I type this. So much for the flu shot this year! I can’t say I didn’t expect it myself, as when you do my kind of work you just know you have it coming (working in the ER and all). But boy did I not expect to feel this bad. And just as I thought I might be getting better, I woke up Friday vomiting and having trouble breathing. Add a diagnosis of bronchitis to influenza, will ya? Geez. I seriously hope we get it right next year. I don’t know how many more times a person could survive this. And to think if I were elderly or a child…I can’t imagine. Throughout it all, I haven’t worried about points/dieting, but I have made sure to keep hydrated and to eat the best I could. And again, I lost another 2 pounds this week. Doesn’t seem fair to get excited about it this time around. Although, I think some of you would get a kick out of the experience I had at the doctor’s office…

So there I was, knowing I had to get weighed. And I so didn’t care because I was convinced I was dying (dramatic, I know, lol, but honestly I felt like it). I was shivering and had 2 shirts and a hooded sweatshirt on. And heavy pants. As I step on to the scale, the girl has the first marker at 250, and I think, “Hmm. Do I really look like 250?” as she continues to play with the slider. She finally gives up and goes to 200. And boy did she try like heck to get me to weigh over 200. I don’t know if I was more annoyed or amused. She kept checking my chart and then moving the slider on the scale. She finally moved it to 150 and then moved the slider to 190 and then muttered under her breath, “that can’t be right.” She then says to me, “I’m not sure how much you weigh.” And I get kind of ticked, thinking any idiot can read that the scale says 190. So we walk into the room and she looks through my chart again, then walks out of the room (to check the scale again). She finally comes back and I muster up the energy to say, “If it helps, I did lose about 25 pounds recently.” And then she suddenly gets this cocky attitude and says, “Oh, I wouldn’t go that far. It wasn’t quite 25.” And walks back out of the room. Lol. Because I don’t weigh myself in my bathroom every week and I can’t read a scale. I have no idea how that turned so personal, but boy it ticked her off. And the funniest part? Duane had to go in a few weeks prior for a knee injury and she did the same thing to him! Lol…I never knew weight loss was so offensive!

Anyway, back to bed for me…starting to feel a little rough again. Hope you all have a great week…stay well!

Last weekend was great. Duane and I finally had to take our watches in to have some links taken out, as they were beginning to spin around our wrists with fury. I don’t think I have ever lost enough weight to have a watch get so big, let alone spin around! (This week I am up to 25 pounds!!!!) That made me happy and feel great. And fast forward to yesterday when I was getting ready to go away…I realized that some shirts I have that I haven’t been able to wear in like, years, finally fit and look really good again. I was on a roll and feeling great…

Until this morning. We have this “Health Risk Assessment” that our company/insurance company wanted us to do. It involved a BP, cholesterol, weight/height/waist measurement, and blood sugar check. And if you call a nurse about your results, you get $50. All for less than an hour of my time. Not too bad, and I figured it would be nice to see the results of my hard work. Right before Duane and I got life insurance (I think I weighed about 10 pounds more than I do now and I was just beginning my path of destruction <AKA unhealthy eating/lifestyle>), my total cholesterol was like 123, so I was curious to see how high it was from the last 3 years of chaos. And I figured that no matter how bad the news, I would tell myself that deep down I know I am making the right changes and am moving in the right direction.

Hmph. Or so I thought. First let me say that I am a night shift worker and am used to eating at night. So this whole 12 hour fasting thing was for the birds (my blood sugar likes to sit on the low end of the scale normally when I do eat, so when I don’t I get a little retarded and a little mean). So I stroll in at 6:30 this morning expecting ok results. Finger stick goes ok, then it’s on to the blood pressure. The girl is nice….but starts to frown as she is taking my BP. I watch the gauge to guesstimate what she is getting. Then comes the “oh, well your blood pressure is pretty high!” 128/98. Damn it. Last time I was at the doctor about a year ago, (I was pretty sick which causes me to be hypertensive) I was around 154/101 which caused them to freak. And before that I had a few high readings. But my lifestyle has changed and I was hoping for a diastolic of say, 70. Not freakin’ 98 so that I get lectured about hypertension. And exercise. So then I move on to the weigh/measure station. The girl there was nice and we joked about my jeans nearly falling off due to my weight loss. I am a die hard and will not buy new ones until absolutely necessary. I want to make myself HAVE to get new ones. Anyway, after that it was on to get my fingerstick results. Not the greatest (which we will get to in a minute). Blood pressure girl lured me back over for a final reading. As she took it, she shook her head. “Uh uh. 122/92.” She looked at me as if I might croak in the chair. What the hell do you think it was when I weighed 25 pounds more back in December??

So after disappointing all of the staff, I had to go talk to an “educator”. Great. Shoot me now. So I get the whole “you need to lose weight (ya think? My whole life revolves around that!) and lose at least 5 inches off your waist. And your HDL cholesterol, you know that’s the good cholesterol…” As she goes on and on, I flip my work badge onto the table as a subtle, please shut up, I am a nurse (an ER nurse, and a damn good one at that). Not to play that card, but I felt as though she was treating me like an idiot. Before she began, I explained how I have changed my entire life for the better (eating, exercise), how I know my calories/fat/fiber intake and BMI to a tee, how I could barely stay awake before and got out of breath at the drop off a dime, and now I am actually beginning to work out which is SUCH an improvement for me. And then she treats me like an idiot. A 5 year old would have known what she was talking about. So anyway, she tells me to eat more fruits and vegetables, preferably 10 servings a day. Now I don’t know about you, but I never used to eat ANY at all. And now my day is packed with them. But 10 servings? That can be a bit much every single day, not to mention pricey. And I got a fiber lecture as well as told that I don’t exercise enough. Arrrghhh!!!

So I leave work all ticked off, in a huff, thinking to myself, “I just need to eat and calm down and I will be ok.” So I come home, have a snack and then go online to enter my results (and work my way toward earning that $50). Oh boy. It tells me I am at a huge risk for getting cancer. And I’m fat (well, not in those words). And everything else negative possible.

Seriously…not how I wanted to start my morning. And all for $50 freakin dollars. And at this point, I haven’t even spoken with a nurse (the last step) to earn the money. Ugh.

So I already knew that I need to step up my exercise. I guess this will be the thing that pushes me to do so. And I’ll have my dr. recheck me in a couple of months to see where I am at. Like I said, I am a nurse, so I know when to worry and when not to. I am not scared or anything, but I am angry at what I have done to my body. I am happy and proud at the changes I have made. And I don’t ever want to be lectured like a 5 year old again. I don’t do that to my patient’s; I don’t want someone to do that to me. I am an adult, treat me like one.

Sorry for the rant, but I feel so much better now… I’ll let you know how the follow-up phone call goes! :o/

Have a good day!

So, again, another 2 pound weight loss this week. I shouldn’t be all that devastated. It is, in fact, a loss. Poor Duane, he didn’t lose anything. Zip, zero, nada. And we both within the last week or so have hit a lower weight range, equaling less points (and food) per day. He was totally bummed to have made that sacrifice and not lost a measly pound. I felt sad for him. But…he has lost a total of 24 pounds, which I was quick to remind him that he is doing awesome and would this be real life if there weren’t some speed bumps along the way? I think of myself as a little snail, slow and steady (which I hope wins the race!!). I am at 19 pounds, which if I had it my way, would have been 25 by the end of the month (at this point, let’s be honest - not gonna happen). I wanted so so bad just to lose 3 this week and be at a total 20 pound weight loss. Alas, there’s always next week.

So my friend Meigan is on here, which is awesome. It helps to have someone who has known you for a bazillion years to help cheer you on. (Below, for your entertainment, is a picture of Meigan (left) and me (right) when we went to Colorado for spring break during our senior year in high school. Sorry Meigan, that I didn’t ask you first before posting it!!! Two things I am wondering: First of all, I remember thinking I was like, OBESE, back then (people teased me for like, my entire life, in school for being fat!) And now that I look back, I wish I knew then what I know now…I was not fat! And second, what the hell is going on with my hair color??? Lol… Meigan, warn a sister next time I make that bad of a hair judgement! On another note, man was that was a fun trip!!! : )

Anyway, Meigan recently spoke of getting a Gazelle Edge, which got my attention. I have been contemplating one, but have read mixed reviews. Based on what she told me, the reviews, and my own conclusion, Duane and I finally went out and bought one the other night. A lot of people complain that they are low-impact. My theory is this: I can either lay on my butt and watch tv or get up and actually move (because some movement is better than no movement) while I watch the tv. I have promised myself to do it for at least an hour a day. We’ll see how that goes. Maybe it’ll push me to a 3 pound weight loss next week? And for all of the naysayers out there…I think the exercise is what you make it. I experimented on there, and while it doesn’t make me sweat or get breathless, when done a certain way, it can really work your muscles! Again, some exercise is way better than none! Especially when I don’t feel like going to the gym. Before it was, well, it’s cold outside and I don’t want to go. Now it’s, well it’s cold so I’ll just do some more on the Gazelle. Ahhh…I’m tricking myself into exercise…sneaky. Lol.

We also bought those new push-up bars. Thought it would make push-ups easier, since I have zero upper-body strength. Let me start out by saying I had a very brief stint in Air Force ROTC in college and at that time I could do 44 push-ups in less than a minute. Wow. Yep, that’s 44, real, manly push-ups. I tried to do one (ONE) last night and boy if I didn’t almost fall flat on my face as my poor flacid muscles quivered beneath me. LOL. (Embarrassing!) We’ll keep working on that one.

The debt mission is going well. Duane is shocked by the people here. I guess everyone he knows already has their tax returns ’spent’. Not so smart kiddies. Duane’s previous company that he worked for (in Ohio) made a brutal tax error last year as we moved here, but it was so small a paycheck we never caught onto it (and we are VERY diligent about our money, taxes, etc.) Long story short, we had to pay over a THOUSAND dollars in taxes last year. Say it with me kids…OUCH!! So now we pay extra money a paycheck *just in case* and never, Never, NEVER count on a return. Duane wants our return (if we get one) to be for a vacation. I want to pay off a bill or two. Boy, we are so different, it’s awful. He thinks we should be rewarded for hard work and have some fun occasionally. Thanks to being brought up with depression-era, frugal grandparents, I feel that we should (as Duane would put it) “suffer” until the debt is gone, then have a little fun. Not that we don’t ever have any fun right now, but the reigns are definitely tight. No vacations in the near future. No shopping sprees. Heck, I would be excited to go out and not think twice about buying clothes at this point. But I am cursed. I can never buy anything without thoroughly thinking it through. I am the type (thanks Gram and Grandpa) that feels panicky about spending any money, almost guilty. Especially with the debt we are in. Some would say that is a good thing. Duane would say I am a “tightwad”, lol.

Hope everyone has a good week. Hang in there. We can do this.

Another 2 pounds, another 2 pounds…  My weight loss is sooooooooo predictable.  I am craving some spontaneity, like maybe a 6 pound loss this week (lol..yeah right!).  Sounds superb to me!

So I am feeling happy and a little sad all at once today.  Is that possible?  Or just plain crazy?

Duane called and wanted me to pick up sushi and join him for lunch today.  As I was getting ready to go, I decided to do something brave…I have this 1 pair of jeans that I have been wearing FOREVER (because as I grew bigger, I had to buy new clothes to fit me, so I would buy 1 pair of jeans at a time thinking it was only temporary).  Well, those jeans are getting grossly way too big for me (yea!!) so I thought I’d try a different smaller pair, that at one point were wayyyyy too tight (and too disgusting, not to mention uncomfortable) for me to wear in public.  So I put them on and they are falling off my butt! : )  Dieters out there, rejoice with me!  It’s amazing how energetic, healthy, and how much smaller I already am, even after just 17 pounds!  (So that’s the happy part).

As for the sad part, I came home and was looking through pictures of this past Christmas, when my parents were here for a visit.  Every single picture, I look awful.  I remember feeling so extremely exhausted and sick and tired out.  And it all shows in every single picture.  I look like someone who has just let themself go, who just doesn’t care or can’t go on anymore.  It should make me happy that I have made so many positive changes, but I feel a slight sadness for the old me.  I am just so glad I am not like that anymore.  And if anyone out there is feeling that way, I completely understand and am here to talk if you ever need to.  You are not alone.

(Just looking at this picture, I can feel the exhaustion I felt then.  And seriously, look how I let myself go.  This picture is embarrassing, but I am showing it anyway.  I want to show where I started at and how far I’ve come.)

So anyway, those are my two emotions for the day.  Mostly I am happy.  And dancing in my newly falling-off-my-butt jeans!  Woo-hoo!

Back to my lunch story:  While we were eating, the guy who at the Christmas party had commented on Duane looking great and asked me if I considered dieting (when I had been all along), walked in to where we were eating, patted Duane on the back and said, “He is looking so good!”  (Which Duane is…he looks amazing!)  But it was just so funny, I couldn’t even be mad.  A lot of other people notice/comment on my weight loss, but he somehow still thinks I need to start dieting.  Lol.  If he only knew.  I am so damn proud of myself.  The old me would have said something and gotten really upset.  Most women would understand this.  Fortunately, I don’t need other people’s recognition.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s awesome, but inside I know who I am and I know what I am doing.  That’s all that matters.

A few nights ago I had to go on a special assignment for work.  One of the top “people” came with us.  We hadn’t eaten in 10 of our 12 hours and he INSISTED on buying our food.  I knew I needed to eat, but I did NOT want to eat greasy fast food.  He was insistent and pushy and suddenly I knew that if I didn’t eat the food he was buying, it was going to become an issue and may get back to my boss.  No big deal, right?  I had the points for it…hell, I hadn’t eaten all day.  Well…after a cheeseburger and a few hushpuppies, my stomach started to feel a little uneasy. It didn’t even taste as great as I thought it might.  And by the time I got home, I felt downright sick.  And oh, did it last for the past couple of days.  This is so why I don’t eat like that anymore.  I used to feel like that A LOT.  Abdominal pain, nausea, diarrhea….ugh.  Thank goodness I won’t have that type of assignment again.  Hopefully this story will really demonstrate to others why I never feel the need to “cheat” (although when you do WW it’s never really cheating as long as you have the points for it).

On another note, I hit the next lower weight range for WW, so that means giving up 2 more points per day.  So far, it hasn’t been that hard.  I’ll let you know how it works out.  And I am pretty excited…when Duane and I started dieting, we also started getting our finances in order.  We got hit with some pretty big medical bills when we moved here, along with other debts we have, so we have not only resolved to put ourselves through a total body makeover, but also a money makeover as well (we have always been pretty good with money, but we are really tightening the reigns, paying off debt, and planning for our future).  Since we started the diet a little over a month ago, we have paid off over $3800 of debt!!  I am so excited.  And we meet with our financial planner Thursday to roll my 401k over to my new company, make sure we are invested appropriately, and hopefully (finally!) open some Roth IRA’s.  When I called him to set up our appointment, he asked me when I want to retire.  I said, “Um, how about next week?”  Lol…if only!

Here’s to a great week and a goal of losing 8 pounds in the next 3!  : )

Holy crap, holy crap, it happened.

In less than 30 days, I did it. I reached my first major goal, which was to lose 15 pounds by the New Year. And I so did it. And I can’t believe it. I am so glad that we went into this as a “lifestyle change” as opposed to “diet”. I am so amazed - there is just no temptation. I don’t want to eat a dozen cookies or stop at McDonald’s. I relish in the fact that I can actually walk up our stairs and not get out of breath. And I can be awake all day and not get tired doing nothing. All it took to feel that bad was gaining 45 pounds. I can’t imagine having lived any longer at the weight I was or getting heavier. I am so glad I listened to my body when I did. I mean, what 26 year old do you know gets out of breath walking up a freakin’ flight up stairs? And not a big one at that? How embarrassing. And horrible. I am so so glad I made this change!!! I truly believe this is the best gift I could have given myself.

So yesterday I slept in pretty late missing breakfast. I was hungry when I got up and knew we were going out for sushi later that night, so I wanted to eat ASAP so that I would be hungry for it. I fixed myself lunch and as I sat down I thought to myself, “Wow. This is sooo different. I didn’t even think twice about what I made (well, I counted points, but it’s second nature now) and look how great it is.” The old me, less than a month ago, would have started out with a huge tablespoon plunging nonstop into a jar of peanut butter. And then maybe some jelly. And how about a grilled cheese oozing in butter? And a can of tomato soup made not with water or milk - oh no, that wasn’t good enough - but rather, heavy cream. And pop. At least 2. And something chocolate. I mean, what the hell was I thinking? Total path of destruction. I know these posts may seem cheesy to some, but I am just so astonished at how much denial and horrific self destructive behavior I used to be in and how far I’ve come in so little time. The last time we did this (started WW), I hated every minute of it and couldn’t wait to stop. Now, I can’t imagine life any other way.

P.S. I took a picture of my “new way of eating” (if you click on it below, you can see a bigger version).  I actually was so stuffed by the end, I could barely finish it (but did to get my points). I had a salad with mixed greens, red onion, and red wine salad spritzer. I also had a 2 pieces of white bread (because I love it and have to have what I love) toasted with tuna fish, white onions, and 1 1/2 Tbsp lite mayo. I also finished the rest of the tuna and had 10 green olives, along with a diet pepsi. All for a mere 8 points. And to think this was a huge meal for me. Before, I would have kept eating. And I would have never considered eating a salad with lunch. Now, I don’t even think twice about vegetables at almost every meal. I don’t know what I am more happy about, the 15 pound weight loss, or the way I have established a healthier way of living. Eh, I guess I shouldn’t care….now that I think about it, it’s a win-win situation : )

I can’t believe how far I’ve come in such a short time. I completely amazed myself this holiday season. Myself and all of my friends. It feels good to hear, “man, I wish I had your willpower!” I don’t know if I had to hit my rock bottom to be where I am at today, but boy I feel great. And I am damn proud of Duane and I.

It started with my birthday, December 23rd. We got home from shopping and Duane made me stay in our bedroom for a few minutes. I didn’t really get what was going on… I mean, we are married, so there wasn’t a proposal coming. Money’s tight, so I didn’t think some huge gift was coming (which is cool, because if you know me then you know I am a tightwad!)…so I was really curious as to what was about to happen. And as he called my name to come out, the sweetest most thoughtful scene lay before my eyes: the room was completely dark, and there, in 3 mini cupcakes (worth a total of 1 ww point!) were lit candles, along with a 1/2 point fudgesicle cut into pieces. Duane had given me a 1 1/2 point birthday cake and icecream celebration : ) Cheesy to some, but it meant a lot to me knowing how much thought had to go into making something so low in points. And it tasted wonderful, which didn’t hurt either. : )

Fast forward to Christmas (2 days later). We ended up having ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, carrots and dip, a glass of wine, and 1 1/2 crescents each. All made well within our point range for the day. The same thing followed for New Year’s eve. We went over to my friend’s house and took our fair share of food, all well within our point range - shrimp with cocktail sauce, ham rollups, and a huge salad…I even had 2 brownies with cheesecake frosting! Like I said, I don’t know if it’s because I hit my rock bottom of feeling bad and being overweight, but I have no urge to ‘cheat’, I don’t feel deprived, and I want to continue this forever because I simply feel amazing. I do truly believe the day Duane said he couldn’t do it anymore and was going back on WW (which he did NOT even mention/push for me to do it with him - I just knew in my heart I needed to as well) …was the day he saved my life.

This is not to say that there have not been bumps along the way. The first few days of starting WW I felt horrible, probably due to the fact that I ate horribly before and my body was in withdrawal. Also, I first tried giving up pop completely, but found that if you like it as much as I do, the caffeine withdrawal actually makes you sick. So after a few days of adjusting and drinking some diet pop, I got this feeling which is hard to describe. I feel good, great actually, and I know that I never again want to go back to eating the way I used to. I know that eating junk never felt even half as good as taking care of myself and eating the right way do.

Also, it is always hard when Duane and I lose weight, because he loses a TON more than me and people always notice his weight loss and not mine. This time I decided that no matter what, I would not get upset about this and would support and encourage him with all my heart and soul.

However…at his Christmas party it happened. Duane’s coworked said, “Duane looks amazing!” (He kept going on and on, which was fine because Duane does look amazing and I am soooooooooo proud of him.) And then he said the unthinkable: “Are you gonna diet too?” Hmmmph. The old me would have beat the crap out of him. How dare he??!?! At that point in time we had lost the same amount of weight. And I have less to lose, which should have made mine more noticeable.  (Update:  I’ve lost 13 pounds since the 2nd week of December!)

But alas, my new feeling-good-self just smiled and shrugged my shoulders and walked away. I am proud of Duane and proud of myself and don’t need anyone to confirm that or make me feel negative about it in anyway. Wow. Does that mean I have finally grown up?? ; )

Last week was a sour mixture of shock and disappointment.

Duane and I both lost 2 pounds.  Yeah, 2.  I know, I know… most people would be thrilled with that, but after working hard all week and sticking to the diet and after losing 7 the week before, it just sucked.  It was a hard emotional week, which I feel may have had something to do with it.  I made the really tough decision to leave my job.  An easy, comfortable job where the small group that I worked with are so close, we are like family.  In fact, they are the only family I have here, 700 miles away from my actual family.  But, I guess sometimes we all have to make adult decisions in life and move on.  So it’s back to the hospital for me.  Hey, maybe all the running around will help with the weight loss??
(Don’t let the optimism fool you…I’m still extremely sad to have left them).

So fast forward to this week’s weigh in.  I knew that since today was my birthday and that I would be splurging, that I wanted to weigh in before all the festivities began (nothing too outrageous, but hey!  A girl should be able to eat, at least not if for her birthday!)  So yesterday morning was the moment of truth.  And yet again, another freakin 2 pounds.  Dammit.  That scale and I are not on the best terms at this point.

So kids, that leaves us at a total of 11 pounds in the last 3 weeks.  A little disappointed, but it is what it is.  I try to tell myself that most people gain weight over the holidays, and here I am losing some.  Ehh.  I just hope I can reach my goal, which was to have lost a total of 15 by the 1st of the year (4 more pounds to go!)  What would absolutely thrill me would be to lose 5, that way I could start the year out at a certain number and go from there.  As Duane puts it, if I reach that goal, I am 25% to my overall goal.  Wow.  And to think of how huge my overall goal is… that re-ignites my drive and willpower all over again!

So anyway, I know this post isn’t quite as exciting as the last, but I’m tired and sore as heck from yesterday’s workout.  I will keep you posted on what’s to come.  Happy holidays, Happy Festivus, and Happy 27th to me!  : )